Struggling as a Writer

My Struggles as a Writer

          Whenever I write about me in my books, I write that I have always loved to write stories for as long as I can remember and that is true. I also believe that my “writing” genes came from my grandmother, but she didn’t make writing her full-time job! She had another job. (At least I think she did) 

          When I was younger, I can tell you I had ideas what I wanted to be: an actress, a psychologist, a cashier, but writing?  That was the furthest from my mind! I never claimed to be well versed in the vocabulary. I didn’t go to college to major in English either. I am just a woman with an imagination who can share it with others. I also didn’t want to become an author before I became a teacher. (And believe me, I have received criticism for that to—the educators telling me I should try other professions besides teaching.) But I know God has called me to teach. He has given me the desires to teach kindergarten. Don’t you know that God can use the weak things of the world to shame the strong? Do you know why? If someone is able to do things without His help, he gets no glory! But if they are dependent on him, he does! Look at Gideon! God used 300 men to fight against the vast number of the Midianites! I love what Gideon said as he went out to war: “The sword of the Lord and of Gideon!”

          I may not be well versed, but I am gifted. The Lord has given me a talent and I refuse to waste it because someone said to me, “You write like a child.” Those aren’t her words, but who else uses elementary words? Children sure don’t have a vast knowledge of words. I write whatever comes to my mind, but I also ask the Lord to help me write too.

          I have said this before, the reason why I rather write and sell later is because I can’t pay people to edit my work, or even proofread it. The Past hunter has been through the fire too many times! After it received a harsh and critical review, I asked some to help me with it and he did! Several people who reviewed my book, liked my book!

          It is hard to get back into writing when someone tells me, it still needs work, but I won’t rewrite it the third time!  I will just learn from my mistakes. For now I am struggling. I am wondering if I should not write anymore if people are going to tell me things I can’t change. The PAST HUNTER is written and published. I know one thing for sure and that is my next WIP will have someone else proofreading it. Who, I don’t know. God will lead me to the next person.

Taking a Hiatus

I have heard it said  that in order to make yourself known or to get people interested in your books to keep publishing or writing. Easier said than done.  I know this from experience and that is why I am taking a break.

In 2011, my first book Marge was published by PublishAmerica. I had learned the hard way that it was the wrong path to take. Not only that but because I was new to to the world of publications, I had no idea that my first book was full of mistakes made by me and the publishers. I felt like a failure and my book was forever in the hands of the merciless and greedy publishers. So I set out to rewrite and make better my book and name it A Second Chance at Love. However, this was an expensive process because I hired an editor to work on it and I don't get much money every month.

Another reason I am taking a break it is not stress free. Since I don't know any publisher who would like to publish my books and it seems that agents would like to know what  book or author your book is similar to, I can't answer that question.  My latest manuscript is a Chrsitian Paranormal Romance and frankly, I don't know any Christians who write that kind of genre-- I consider most of what I write unique in its own way anyway. The only other route is Self publishing and from my own experience, it has caused some stress in my life-- getting the format right stinks!  I just as soon have a publisher that is known to do all that.

I have two works (one in progress) that I would like to get published. One is in the process of being edited while the other? Well, let us say that it is just sitting in my computer folder collecting dust. I am waiting to get enough royalties or even a job to pay for another editor.

Since May, I found out I have anemia. I found out why I have been so tired and lack energy on most days and writing is a lot of work. I just don't have enough energy to do my research. I write for pleasure. So that is what I will do when I am bored, but the stories may not get published unless something else turns up. I am short of a miracle. Promoting my book locally takes energy too.

People told me I should not expect professionals to edit for free so I won't. They also tell me not to expect to get a professional cover design for free so I won't. But I will say this: If God provides, I will accept. I will not limit Him in anyway.  If a professional says he or she will help me at no charge, it is not by my hand, but by the favor of God. Those two services I can't afford.

Another thing that has me down is promoting my own books. I can't use certain pictures without someone saying "Hey! That's mine! Pay up or else!" I really don't understand why people share their photos. I guess they all hope to get profit and that is why they share. I would be even glad to give them credit, but if people are greedy for gain, forget it. Why become an author if you have to  Be "careful" of what you use? I am definitely not an artist either.

So there you have it. After Jesus Paid It All  is published and unless a miracle happens, it will be a long break.

Part Deux of What if..

As I was sharing with you the other day about "What ifs", I left you with a cliff hanger. Don't you just love Cliff hangers? Me neither, but I wanted to leave you hungry for more.

As we know, my story could have gone a different way. My last blog ended with him begging her to return. He loves her! You know I have an author friend whose hero has some flaws and so does mine: He has a heart of gold when it comes helping his friends and that was what got him in trouble. Eric is not the villain. Although he did not murder the man, he helped bury the body and that made him a criminal in his girl's friend's eyes.

Here is another What if:

What if he didn't help his friend?  Suppose he said to his friend on the cell phone,  "Hey, Craig, wish I could help you, but I am on a date." I can see many females applauding "YAY" and not only that Julie would be smiling ear to ear, but she would be concerned.

       "What did Craig want?" She asked as she popped a popcorn in her mouth.
       "It's nothing," He said caressing her face as he contemplated whether or not he should pop the question. "You look beautiful tonight."
        She blushed. Julie loved hearing how beautiful she was.

Now you may think I would not have a story. They are happy, but what if Julie is unhappy? In my book, she mentioned that Eric doesn't want her to influence him. She never talks about Jesus and this leaves her unsatisfied. She desired more in a relationship and she leaves him the next day.

This would be a whole new story. Instead of her leaving him because of what he did, she leaves him because he was hindering her Christian growth. I suppose I could write another version where he looks for her and the conflict would be whether or not, he would change his life for her or accept her decision and move on.

Eric and Julie are meant for each other, but the fictional god in my story (which is me) calls Julie away so that she could develop her relationship with Jesus-- the lover of her soul.

       

What If...

 My book The Past Hunter as actually gone through many rewrites even after being self published once or twice. An author told me in essence "This  book needs help" so I enlisted his help.

As I rewrite my manuscript, using some of his ideas and adding my own, I wondered: What if?

What if  Julie wanted to give Eric a chance?  Imagine a scene where Julie waited for Eric to come in the house and to his surprise, he sees Julie standing like a housewife wanting an explanation to her husband's unfaithfulness.

"What are you doing with that Carpet, Eric? "

Eric is a bit red faced. He feared if he would tell the truth, he would lose her. He had to come up with something believable. He smiled his charming smile and said, "We found a dead body, but it was ... in his backyard. He needed a place to hide it."

Julie shook her head. She heard them talking about burying a  body. Eric lied and her heart broke. "Please tell me the truth, Eric. In all our times we dated, you have never lied to me! Don't start now!" She pleaded, as tears fell.

Eric hated to see Julie this way, but he had a reputation to keep. "Please forget you saw what you saw."

Julie would still leave. She would not stay with him because he  refuses to be honest. He cared more about protecting his friend or reputation than her. For her it was over.

Fast Forward to six years later.  Julie wakes up with a strong warning in her spirit. This is the sixth time this happened. Instead of  running from danger, What if she confronts it since she fears nothing but God.

In spite of the feeling, she had, she proceeds to prepare for work. She figures maybe the feeling will go away in time. It could be nothing and she sees a vision of a man with a gun.
Julie has been confessing Psalms 91. God has protected her so far so why should she run?

Someone enters through her back door and  says as he comes near her, "I have been looking for you for the past six years."

The voice registered terror in her. She left this man six years ago and  he has found her in spite of her new look.  

"Relax, sweetheart. I would not dream of hurting you. I am sorry I hurt you so many years ago. Please come back with me to Montana?

(To be continued)

The Pitfalls of

Before I met any authors and became friends with any of them, I used to thought you could write anything you wanted.  As long as I didn't defame anyone or wrote anything that would be libel, I thought I was all set, but then as I let people look at my manuscripts, I find out there are pitfalls to writing. Not only that, but restrictions as well! Below is the list of pitfalls and restrictions that to me have made writing less enjoyable.

1. Using other people's photos. Come on! You mean to tell me that if I find a photo I like for my book I have to make sure it is okay to use or pay to use it? Are people so greedy for money that they won't settle for credit? Why then do people share their photos? Why just share with their friends and family or email it to them instead of having for the general public to see. That is like the "You can look but can't touch" rule.
I have photos at Photobuckets and anyone wanted to use them, I wouldn't mind unless as long as I get credit for the photos. Besides not all photographers and uploaders have a contact link so how can we ask the person "Excuse me, but is it okay if I use your photo for my book?   I have even suggested to my friends the idea of distorting the photos but there is still a problem.... RESTRICTIONS.

2. Using a famous person's name, a franchise or any business name.   Okay. What is the problem here? You mean to tell me that if I want to be realistic, I can't? I have to change a band's name because if I dare to put down say "Newsong" Newsong, which is a Christian band will sue me? I can understand if a nonchristian band does that, but a Christian Band? Come on! So then Newsong becomes what?  Old Music? Whatever!
 I understand with any business that does not know acknowledge Jesus as Lord might sue, but still why? I much rather use a name of an establishment like IHOP instead of renaming IHOP to IHOB (International House of Breakfast)   As for famous people, what if they are dead? Should I as a fellow author so humorously suggested, hold a seance?  "I call upon Amy Carmichael. Amy Carmichael please come to us so I can ask you if I can use your name in my story." Someone suggested to contact the next of kin. Okay so then I should see a list of genealogy and find out who is still alive and say "Hi! I am an author. I would like to use your great grandmother's name in my story. And what about Christian public figures? Are they really going to sue if I  write their names in my stories? Do you really believe that they are like nonchristians?  ***rolls my eyes**

After I abide by other's people's concern for copyright infringement, I change everything around. I wonder to myself,  "Why write? People have taken the fun out of writing. Did I forget to mention that they also do that when my fellow authors tell me, "You need to be more descriptive."? Yep. When my book is published I came across pitfall number 1 again when I make a book trailer.  I think I would be thrilled if someone uses my photos in their book trailers.

I don't think everyone thinks alike. I am pretty sure Christians don't think as those who aren't, but for the sake of everyone, if doing what is right not in the eyes of the general public, but also in the eyes of God, then fine. I won't "infringe" on their ... Copyrights

Who Gets The Glory? (Or the Pit Lifter)

Lately, I have been feeling like I am in the pit as described in Psalms 40:1  and 2 " I waited patiently for the Lord; and he inclined to me, and heard my cry. He also brought me out of the horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon the rock and established my steps."
After my second book was published, I felt good! I had high hopes it will sell well, but unfortunately one person bought one.  I was told my book was good and I got several reviews(from those who download them on free days). However, the pit was dug for me the day I allowed another author to review it. Instead of giving me  five star review  he gave me 3 and a half. Nothing wrong with that, but it was what he said: "This book should not be published." It became my undoing and it almost destroyed my confidence to write another book.
  Before my manuscript went into publication, I did let another author proofread it. After making changes, I was ready to submit for publication. If only I would have known before I went through all that trouble to get it self published through Createspace.com, maybe my confidence would still be in tact.  Grant that I can't afford to hire an editor to go through my manuscript and make corrections. Everyone tells me that I need one.
But who gets the glory?
 If I hire an editor, she or he would use their training and knowledge they gained to help you improve your manuscript. I am talking about Worldly editors. They use their own knowledge, wisdom and experiences to edit your manuscript. I am sure Christian ones will acknowledge God when it comes to editing people's manuscripts and will give him Glory for a  job well done.

Recently I let someone who is NOT an editor who I know very little about edit my manuscript because she said she would do it for free. However, I have regretted that decision.  Although I have found her suggestions helpful, her comments were not. They literally had put me into the pit and I had to cry out to God for help!  I told him how these comments made me feel and that I became discouraged. I had to wait on him to lift me out of the pit. And he has.

After the changes in my manuscript has been made, I had peace about who I wanted to proofread my manuscript. I know that she is a Christian and I trust her. Yes, I know she is not an editor, but neither was the last person who edited my manuscript.  As Jesus told me, it is my story, not hers. He assured me if I listen to His voice and not the voice of the world, I will do well.  He lifted me out of the pit.

God will get the glory because I am trusting Him to help my Christian friend to proofread The Past Hunter. I am reminded of Gideon. When God called Gideon to fight against the Midianites, he didn't let Gideon enlist a great number of fighting men. After the test, only 300 were selected and yet Gideon won the battle. God does this so he can get the glory.

Writing is Not Easy

I would like to say that it is a piece of cake to write. I have being doing it for many years and get great story ideas, but over the years I never had anyone  tell me that I need help. My mother and sister knows I have the  gift of story telling  and they encourage me to not give up.  I never dream of becoming an author before I become a teacher, but it has happened and I have had my share struggles and very little success.
I have great friends who bought my book and give me a good review, but I also have friends who will be honest and tell me: You need help.
I am torn between giving up and pressing on. If anyone ever said, that you can make money writing books, they are wrong. Not unless you happen to be a best seller which is my dream. I never wanted to self publish my books.  There have been times when I wanted to throw in the towel.  My friends  writes about how well their books are selling, getting  rewards and all kinds of great things that has happened while I feel like I get pushed in the mud. Don't get me wrong. If I need to improve, I will, but it is not easy.  Did I ever say my books don't need help? Maybe once.
 One of my biggest challenge and obstacles is getting descriptive. I have a an author friend who had  told me countless of times   "add description" or "Show how they feel"  I  try! This is where I want to give up.
Writing is a passion, but teaching is my calling. Write is what I do when I  am waiting to teach. Just a note: I am not sure I would even be a great school teacher because I have been outside of education for too long, but that doesn't mean I will give up on my calling an dream of teaching. I have to believe in myself because God believes in me. The same goes for writing.