My Five Star Review for She Belongs To Me

<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13294574-she-belongs-to-me" style="float: left; padding-right: 20px"><img alt="She Belongs To Me" border="0" src="http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1332077582m/13294574.jpg" /></a><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13294574-she-belongs-to-me">She Belongs To Me</a> by <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/5407915.Carmen_DeSousa">Carmen DeSousa</a><br/>
My rating: <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/528139523">5 of 5 stars</a><br /><br />
(Before I give my review, it looked like Goodreads didn't add it when I updated my status so I didn't just read and finish in one day)<br /><br />I really liked the book! Jordan may have his fault, but he is a wonderful lover and husband to Jaynee! I am glad Carmen didn't let me down! She starts the book with Jaynee being taken to the hospital because she was shot then she leads the reader to  a few years back when it all began: how they met, some background about Jaynee. In other words, she takes you from the bad, and fills it with good. She makes you think who put her in the hospital and surprises you in the end! Gret job, Carmen!  I want to write like you!
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Book sales and Book signing

I have high hope for myself and I  believe that my books will sell. I am not delusional. It is my faith. God said in his word that I am the head  and not the tail. So why is it my books not selling? Why can't I get a book signing?
These are  the things I struggle with. I hear about how some of my friends' books are  selling but mine isn't. I am no different. Most of us are Indie Authors. Am I not marketing my book enough?
I believe it is because I am up against  an obstacle-- a spiritual force that does not want my books to sell and he is keeping me from having a book signing. That force is no other than the devil himself. He does not want to see Gods' children  succeed.
 Maybe you think it is hogwash, but it is not. The  Bible says we  do not fight against flesh and blood, so it is  Satan influences people to not be interested in my books and me. He will not win because I am a fighter and I will succeed!  One other note: I have always known that  this town is not for me.  I went to several businesses and was either met with rejection or they never get back to me.

To Rewrite Or Not

When I began  writing Marge it was with pencil and paper. I wrote to escape so when I finished writing Marge, I  wrote another version and I enjoyed  finding  out the different results, but when I write for publication, it is a different story and a whole new ball game. 

I struggle with the issue whether I am good enough. I don't have  what it takes to be a best seller and I want to be!  The first thing I have to do is believe in myself!  I realized that I have been given the ability to tell stories and I have to set up expectations for myself. That is when frustration sets in because I have become self critical.. You know, they say we are our own worst critics?  Someone makes a cake and it doesn't measure up to perfection, you berate yourself and you want to do make another cake. Of course, it is more costly to make another cake. What is costly for me is my time.  What I thought was perfect was a story I am working on.  It is called the Butterfly and the Cocoon.

 

I wished that I never read a certain book. Although it has been helpful, it told me that the use of "to be" verbs should be very minimal and  we should "show" and not "tell"  As an amateur author I struggle with that. I write what comes naturally to me and  someone comes along and says "It won't sell if you write like that."  What do I do? I rewrite. However, it has become a nightmare. Instead of enjoying what I do, I get frustrated and want to quit. No, I don't quit, but I do say "Why bother?" because as I look at what I have written, I am finding it is not good enough.  

It is good to take advice from an experienced author. You want to follow in his steps because you know he sold books, but when you set up that person's  guideline as your standards, you are bound to be frustrated. If God  gives you the ability he will also  give you the words to write if you listen to him. If he says to you to take heart  and not be discouraged, then look up and say to yourself, "I can do it!" Do not compare yourself to  others.  God created you to be you not anyone else. You are unique.

Wanting Redemption

When Marge was first published, I was never so happy!  The dream of becoming a published author has come to pass.  At that time, I still thought good of my publisher until I found out who  they really are.
 I received two reviews and one was very critical and it would hurt any chances of anyone wanting to buy my book. How could my aunt do that to me? I never thought there were mistakes in my book! What has been published is published and now for ten years I have to live with it. Not only did I make mistakes but so did they and my book once my pride and joy has turned out to be my shame.
 PublishedAmerica would not release me from the contract or give me the rights to my book back. So how can I ever feel redeemed? I know some of you will say that  we all learn and must move on, but I can not let it go!  I had no one to proofread my manuscript nor did I have Microsoft Office Word which has its own grammar check and Ginger Software works better with it.  I could not afford an editor to look at it. I was a poor women with a BIG DREAM! And I still have the dream.  Although I have learn never to trust PA again and to have my manuscript  proofread before publishing, I still want redemption and I have the faith to believe it can happen not in my or when the contract expires but in God's time.

Ramblings

As you read this, keep this in mind that I am writing from an author point of view. In fact  I am thinking right now about a class I took in college called  Directing and Script Analysis and I am remembering in one assignment where we had to see how we would rewrite a script,. In other words, changing some actions a character would take and the results of it.
 One of my favorite books I just read is called Mind Readers by Lori Brighton. It is about a girl  who thinks herself a freak because she has the ability to read minds.  In her own eyes the only two people who can is her grandmother and her.  Her grandmother controls and makes sure she doesn't tell anyone what she can do. Her grandmother keeps from her that there are others like her, but she finds out from someone named Lewis. She likes this guy but  doesn't trust him at first until she realizes that  he truly understands her---He is a mind reader too. He was sent by the director of the Mind Reader Society to bring her there so she can be protected and learn more about her  ability.
As I read the  story between the two, there is somewhat a chemistry between the two until she finds out that there is more to this society than meets the eye. She starts to lose her trust in him and anyone else at that place  when she  finds out that they were using her. He even told her that he is able to affect her emotions when it comes to love. In other words, he can cause her to  fall in love with him.  Aaron the director, use her to penetrate into a man's thought-- the man being a member of  group  called Society for Paranormal investigation. This is the group that wants to use them for their purposes and give them no freedom.  After Cameron realizes what she had done and finding out  what else Aaron has done, she  makes a choice: She must leave the island and go back to her grandmother but not without consequences. Aaron prepares to erase all memory from her of them and that place.

A part of me wishes she would  stay. She finds a guy she falls in love with and even though she didn't feel safe anymore, she could have trusted them. I ask myself, would I have done the same thing if I was her? Would I leave the place and go back to where I was, not remembering everything that has happened?  Yes, I know it is only fiction, but it would be nice to know how it would turn out otherwise.

The book ends when she is working in her grandmother's  beach cafe. Her life is better. What she has experienced after her memory being erased, she calls an illness. She just 18 and her grandmother got her a  Vispa. Suddenly someone vaguely familiar comes to her and says the same thing that Lewis said to her  months ago: "I was sent to protect you." This is from the same guy who Aaron wanted her to get into his thoughts. The same guy who works for the SPI  except only this time, he tells her that her father sent him. This confuses her because  what she knows is that he is dead. The last words in the book is  what he said "I am pretty much the only thing between you and death."  Lori has  another book out which I think is a sequel to that book called Mind Thieves. Can't wait to read it.

Put On Hold

I feel as though I have hit a hard spot in my  writing career. Everything as come to a standstill. I wish I could say that my book is a best seller, but the book sales so far as been very dismal. I should have known because God had told me  "Do not despise the day of small beginnings."  It has been very small indeed.
It began with taking the recommendation of a trusted friend. I did not do any research and I did not listen to my other friends who outnumbered her. Publish America rarely puts their authors or help their authors become bestsellers. Yes, I had high dreams for myself. God's word says that God is more than able to more than we can ever ask or imagine according to the power at work in us. It also says that His ways are higher than my ways. So maybe God has something better for me.  Mt second story is on hold because I asked my aunt to proofread it for me.  So far I got two  chapters back.
 My heart's desire and my dream is not to become an author although it is one of my  desires, but to become what God has called me to become-- a high quality Christian School Teacher and in the state of Washington. It has been a long wait.  I have read that Paul the apostle has learn the secret to being content in all circumstances. I wish I could learn it. I try to be content but its not easy. I feel so unfulfilled in so many ways. It is not even normal for me to live like this and I feel like crying.  I will be 45 next month but what is that to me when I am still single, still unemployed and still the same. I read in my devotional about Blind Bartimaeus who cried out to Jesus to receive his sight. He threw off his beggar's clothes and receive what he asked for.  I have cried out too because my circumstances hasn't changed. However I will not give up. I know that God is faithful to fulfill all his promises. It is just that he is not doing it in my time but in his perfect timing. Although I can't see his hand, I must trust his heart.

A note about my blogging

It has come to my attention that when people read my blogs, I am asking for advice and I am sorry if I give that impression. I am sharing what is on my heart. I am being honest  about what I am going through. Sometimes it is response to the comments people have made to my status updates. These people who feels led to  give out suggestions really have no idea what Ia m going through. The Lord told me not to despise small beginnings and I haven't really and it is.  My dream is to  have  my stories published by well known publishers but the ones I have looked up either say "We  accept no manuscripts" or We do not accept unsolicited manuscripts".  A friend once told me that I should get an agent and I have tried. It does not mean that they say my  work is unpolished and I need an editor. Although you may think so. It also does not mean I will give up. It is still my dream and as one friend said, "At least you got your foot in the door" when PA published my first book. Yes, I did and it gave me hope. But real hope came when a good friend of mine encouraged me to get into publication!  At that time I was still unemployed and have no income, but she never said to me, "But before you do, I suggest you hire an editor."
This person believed in me! She saw talent! So when I am writing a blog, it is all about who I am. My  good times and bad times. It gives the readers a glimpse into my private life you might say.  Before this friend encouraged me to get my story published,I wanted to wait til I move to Washington State  and until after I start teaching (Favorable conditions), but sometimes God does not want us to wait until the conditions are favorable. He wants us to trust him and wait upon him  to bring us to  what he  said will do. Often times God's people took a step of faith and that is what I did.  So please do not think that I am  asking you for advice. I am not. If I  need one from you, I will let you know. I will ask you"What do you think?"